January 26th, 2017
Treat Yourself to the Big Top
Yesterday I took a big step in my personal growth journey, I went back to therapy. Admitting I need help (at least for me) feels like a sign of weakness. I feel like I am smart enough to logic my way into happiness. Don’t I have everything I could ever want or need? Yes, yes I do. But I struggle just like everyone else. I know it’s actually the opposite… it’s a sign of tremendous strength, vulnerability, and self-love to ask for help. But it’s hard actually saying “I need help.” The kids are going through the longest rough spot ever and I’m wondering if this is just the new normal. My anxiety is high and I’m not sleeping well. I pick at myself constantly, tearing down every flaw in the mirror, often avoiding looking at my reflection at all. I am always feeling like I’m not good enough. Curtis is wonderful at reassuring me, but outside validation doesn’t touch what’s going on in my brain. I need help. Anxiety, insecurity, disability, aging, and perfectionism are consuming me. I will come out of this and it’s not 24/7. Thanks to my amazing husband and mom, I get moments of solitude which recharges me. But *I* need to do more for me.
After my session with Becky, I made an impulsive stop on South Congress to the Big Top Candy Shop for a little treat. I won’t make a habit of rewarding myself with candy but every once in a while is healthy. I got one single sea salt caramel chocolate and enjoyed it immensely. I asked nicely to take a photo and was allowed to do so. These little moments feed my soul… something sweet and a nice picture.
I’ll keep y’all posted on my journey. Last night and today has been surprisingly moody and weepy, very unlike me most days. I think that’s just part of the process of unpacking old crap though. Be kind to each other out there.
Nikon D750 | 20mm | f/2.8 | 1/200 | ISO 400
If you live in the Central Texas area, Becky Davis (512.441.2060) is the best family and individual counselor I’ve ever met… and I’ve met a lot because of the kids. She saved my marriage in 2010 and she helped me and my entire family figure out how to deal with some pretty heavy stuff. Call her.
Thanks for looking.