Pain, presence, and perspective

I had a rough night last night, Anna was up for a bit around midnight. With school starting in less than three weeks, anxiety is setting in and she is beginning to perseverate about not wanting to go back. It breaks my heart to see her so upset and scared, I wish she didn’t have to go. It’s hard to believe I’ll have one starting as a senior and one starting kindergarten.

Dealing with chronic pain takes a lot of energy. Sleep is such a key component to managing pain levels and poor sleep definitely affects my ability to cope, to be present, to be patient; and poor sleep affects Anna’s ability to cope with everyday life also. She is grumpy this morning and I’m hurting and foggy. I have fibromyalgia and whatever connective tissue disease I have is degenerating. It depresses me sometimes but then I remind myself that it could be worse. It’s all about perspective.

I’ve been consciously working on being present this summer, truly in the moment. It’s incredibly hard to do! Anna is one her second meltdown this morning and I’m only on my second cup of coffee. It’s going to be a very long day. I’m going to try to take a deep breath, let go, be present and mindful. This moment will never happen again.

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