Reflections and Resolutions

It is only natural to be contemplative as we enter into a new year. 2012. What will it bring? 2011 was an incredibly complex tapestry of new beginnings, hardship, loss, creativity, heartache, triumphs, and love.

Personally, I lost a dear friend, Debbie, to cancer. From diagnosis to death, it was only one month. I regret so much not carving out more time for her in the last 10 years. Once Anna was born and her special needs were identified, becoming more and more complicated as the years passed, I withdrew from the real world and sought support in the online world. I found others with whom I could identify and have created very real, true friendships from those encounters. But there is something special about having an in-real life friend… someone who knows your past, who understands you as an individual, and accepts you unconditionally. I sincerely hope that Deb is there when it’s my time to transition from this life to the next and I get a chance to apologize to her and hug her fiercely. If you have any friends in your life like her, take the time to tell her how much she means to you. It’s important.

My marriage has been through some highs and lows this last year and I’m very grateful that as we face a new year, Curtis and I are together and committed. I have a good feeling that this year we will really figure some things out and really grow together. We share our 15-year wedding anniversary in May. I’m tickled pink that my husband has picked up my old Nikon D40 and has developed a love of photography. We actually have some projects that we are going to tackle together and I’m super excited to introduce him and his work here on my blog in the near future.

My children are complicated. Dominic was diagnosed with ADHD and depression just before Christmas and he will be starting therapy next week. I’m hopeful that within a couple of months, we have our happy boy back with us who can make friends and enjoy school. Anna continues to remain seizure-free and is currently stable with her health. We are changing one of her meds from Lexapro to Zoloft and we are already seeing an improvement in her perseverations and obsessions. Jenny is doing so well and I’m really proud of the hard work she has put in by studying and working. I can’t wait to see what this new year brings to her… I’m sure it will encompass much success.

Professionally, I’ve slowed down my digital art and design business to focus more on photography. Having started my photography business mid-year, I scoured the Internet for advice and found myself creating a presence that everyone else said I should. Simplify and specialize. But I am a multi-faceted woman. I enjoy designing and creating unique pieces of art. I do not ascribe to one style or one speciality, at least not at this point. My blog will not be only about photography, it will be about my children and my personal journey with photography and art. Because Anna and Dominic require so much from me, I will only accept a few portrait sessions each month but I shoot nearly every day. And I want to share what I’m doing. I like connecting with many different types of people.

I regret not blogging more about every aspect of my life. I regret not talking, just talking, through my writing here. I found when I had just the Elusive Tranquility blog, that I was more fulfilled by my writing. I regret not sharing more personal photos and projects. I have dozens of photos that are sitting on my hard drive that I never made time to blog about. I stifled what I was sharing because that’s what I thought what a “professional photographer” should do to have a professional presence… be in a little box like everyone else.

So as I enter into 2012, some of my resolutions are both personal and professional.

  • Give back… offer a complimentary session once a quarter to a family touched by cancer or who has a child with special needs. Freely give advice to those who ask, especially those who are starting off learning photography. Spend more time on Clickin’ Moms giving feedback and helping others.
  • Pursue and share what makes ME happy, not what everyone else says I should do… my thoughts, my feelings, my photos, my art, my personal projects (and I have at least four that I’m tackling for 2012!).
  • Introduce Curtis to the blog and share his work and our work together.
  • Redesign my blog, freshen up my portfolio, and share some of my favorite unseen photos from last year.
  • Be more honest. With my feelings, with my challenges, with my art.
  • Be kinder and gentler to myself. Be more forgiving, with myself and with others.
  • Love more deeply. Laugh more frequently. Take care of myself with a more concerted effort.
  • Be fully present in the day-to-day moments. Appreciate my blessings.

I’m hoping that by being more true to myself, I will draw friends and clients that share my joy with what I’m creating. I’m learning, I’m growing, I’m human, I make mistakes, but I absolutely love what I do and pour everything into it. Be it with my marriage, parenting, digital art, or photography, I am transparent and genuine. And I’m so grateful to have the love and support of my family, friends, fellow Clickin’ Moms, and clients to share this journey with me.

Now bring on 2012! Happy New Year!!! Let’s rock this thing!!!

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